Peacemonger Mom

My son just enlisted in the military. I'm a peace activist. Why couldn't he have rebelled in some other way, like being republican?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Rain and Random

Having just returned from lugging Jak outside for a nice wee in a drenching downpour, wherein he steadfastly refused to set paw outside in the damp, causing me to reenter our domicile, obtain an umbrella and stand outside holding the umbrella over him while he peed, I am enjoying the sound of rain outside my open window and open deck door.

I am not, however, enjoying the fact that I awakened at 5:30 and became so frustrated at my attempts to sleep thereafter that I simply got up. I'm wondering who is bringing the worms, because the only reason ANYBODY should be up before 10am should involve a fishing trip.

I have been terribly lame in my writing recently - from the time of the Research Symposium, I have been almightily involved in one thing after another, none of which involved writing. Not working on my thesis, not writing here, not even writing things in my calendar. (Boy, I sure do hope that Dr. C has stopped reading this.) Yesterday, though, I managed to break out of my rut and actually write some on my thesis. I'm on Chapter 4 (which will eventually turn into Chapter 5, because I've got to change Chapter 1 into Chapters 1 and 2, which will get the picture). I am not happy with the direction my writing seems to be taking, and yesterday had the brilliant idea that perhaps I should take my writing in the direction that I want, rather than the direction that it wants. Allowing my writing to drive The Thesis Bus is a really bad idea.

I'm also putting together my syllabus for the summer class I'm going to be teaching...oh shit, who am I kidding here? I am putting my name on the top of the syllabus I shamelessly stole from a fellow GTA (although with her permission). I have added a little to it, but let's just say that I blushed when I read over the section dealing with plagiarism. But I do give her credit in my class materials (which is a damn good thing, otherwise I really would never sleep at all).

Speaking of not sleeping. I'm worrying less and less about TB - not due to any real confidence that all will be well, or any real knowledge about where he's going, what he's doing or anything else. I'm just distracted, I guess. I wonder what will happen when I finish my thesis. Will I blow up in a heretofore unknown conflagration of worry? TB is doing really well with his cool girlfriend (who by now has morphed magically into a fiancee) and believe it or not, I really like her. I'm really surprised, because TB has not shown the best judgment when it comes to women in the past. But as I've said before, he's growing up, and perhaps the devastating sadness I felt when he went into the Army came from equal parts worry and sadness that my boy was growing up. Why does that make me sad? I don't understand that - that is the thing that I have preached and encouraged both my kids all along: be self-reliant. Self-reliance and independence are vitally important, especially if you are a female (as one of my kids is). Of course, I realize now that self-reliance and independence can be taken to an extreme (see Rugged Individualism and the State of the U.S. Currently). But really, the last thing I expected to become in my declining years (feh) was the stereotypical mom: "The kids! They never cawl!"

I was going to post about my recent shock, which is summed up nicely here, but seem to have run myself off the rails, talking about kids and thesis. Hmph. The Thesis, it always cawls!



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